no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
