btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
