apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
