even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
