can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
