My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
