im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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