im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
