you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
