"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
