i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
