You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
