That's when you crack a 10am beer
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
