after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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