I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
