well most of my day revolves around power hour
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
