going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
