Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
