Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
