You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
