if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
