and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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