you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
