there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
