i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
