Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
