he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
People with herpes should wear stickers.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
