I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
