Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
