do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
