If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
