first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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