So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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