How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
