we have officially lost it.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I didn't notice because vodka
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
