I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What a dumb baby whore.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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