If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
