Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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