Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
