did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
