btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
