did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
