She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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