Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
