u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Michael Bay diarrhea
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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