Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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