Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
