Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
