he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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