Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
porn star boner night. come get it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
