Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
