I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
