he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
