it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
